A moment of truth on the river

Posted by Kelly Lewis Share Your Voice

Several years ago (as a student of LEAN methodology while working at Capital One) I learned the 5 Whys technique as a way to determine the root cause of a problem.  And me being me, I quickly began applying this wonderful question of "Why?" to increase my self awareness.  

I am guessing that asking "Why?" may be a favorite technique of your three year old in driving you crazy but it always teaches me a valuable lesson.  This weekend while hanging out on the beautiful Piankatank River, I found myself pausing to ask "Why?" with curiosity and objectivity (as opposed to with judgement and the right answer which I also know how to do).  This time the 5 Whys took the shape of the 3 specific Whys (Why This? Why Now? Why Me?) and what follows are a couple of reflections and some personal truths that came from my moment on the river.

WHY THIS?

• Reflection: March 2001 - It was a cold Saturday in March that I remember like yesterday.  I was at home doing some research on this "new to me" topic called Emotional Intelligence (EQ) that I had been exploring with my coach at work. I stumbled across an article "Emotional Intelligence Is the Missing Piece" written by some really smart people of the completely fabulous organization called Edutopia.  I came across statements like, "Emotionally intelligent individuals stand out.  Their ability to empathize, preserve, control impulses, make thoughtful decisions, solve problems, and work with others earns them friends and success. They tend to lead happier lives, with more satisfying relationships.  At work, they are more productive and spur productivity in others. At school, they do better on standardized tests and help create a safe, comfortable classroom atmosphere that makes it easier to learn.", and immediately I knew this had been the missing piece in my learning, leadership, and life.  

• My personal truth:  I believe EQ is the attribute that takes us from good from great.  And each and every one of us - young or grown up - can increase our emotionally intelligence.  I believe EQ is the only attribute we possess that is flexible and can change and grow over time (as compared to IQ and personality). and when we choose to increase our EQ we experience our work and our lives with greater impact, ease, and joy.  

WHY NOW?

• Reflection: November 13, 2008 - I walked into a 6th grade classroom filled with twenty-nine young people of all learning styles, academic abilities, socio-economic levels, life experiences, personal struggles and personal gifts to see what would happen when we created an energetic, safe and challenging learning environment and brought EQ skills into the classroom.  What unfolded was a learning process about life, leadership, and the roadblocks that get in our way that helped twenty-nine young people (and me) discover the beauty and strength that lives inside each and every one of us.

• My personal truth: I was taught to see the world, to solve problems, to lead my life in a certain way.  I realized over time that while that way was good it was also limiting.  I believe there is a better way that allows each of our strengths and gifts to be brought forth to create new possibilities for our schools, organizations, and communities.  I believe every young person wants and deserves the opportunity to get to know and express themselves – their strengths, values, gifts, thoughts, feelings, and limitations – in a safe, supportive, and structured environment. I believe our current public education system (there are approximately 50 million young people attending public schools in this country) does not offer "people education" leaving a person's foundation of strength to be built by chance.  I believe the majority of us come into the work world with the understanding of what we need to work on which is constantly re-enforced by performance management systems and organizational feedback loops.  I believe that I am not the only one who didn't learn these valuable life skills and I wonder how we can expect parents, teachers, clergy, managers, and leaders to teach others something they have never had the opportunity to learn themselves.  I see the young people of our world standing by; ready to be engaged, although not knowing how to discover their brilliance, see where they fit in, share the potential that lives inside each and every one of them, and be who they are out in the world.  I hear their voice and see their potential and I believe now is the time to teach them how to be life long learners and life long leaders of themselves, each other, and their community - the type of people and leaders our world is calling for.

WHY ME?

• Reflection: September 1, 2010 - I had just finished lunch when our friendly mail man walked through the front door of The Workbox and handed me a package.  I quickly opened it and found two books and a beautiful thank you note from a good friend of mine.  The book laying on top, "WHAT I NOW KNOW: Letters to My Younger Self", seemed to leap out of the box yelling, "Read me...read me!". I had a coaching call in ten minutes so the book got set aside until the long Labor Day weekend provided some down time.  On Sunday, I picked up the book and quickly found myself immersed in Carolyn Deaver's story about surviving breast cancer. Who would have thought that  a disempowering question for Carolyn would become a compelling question for me - "Why Me?". 

• My personal truth: I believe that when we give ourselves permission to claim our brilliance we also give those around us the permission to do the same.  And at this moment in time, I am learning to claim an aspect of my brilliance, my ability to create safe and challenging learning environments that inspire greater awareness and authentic action in others and myself.  And while it can be familiar and easy for me to see this as a big responsibility and perhaps even burden to carry around this Sunday I chose to see it as the opportunity to use my own gifts to help others find theirs.  

I share the 5 Whys and a few of my own truths with the hope that it will help you discover the truth that lives inside of you as my truth helped to re-ignite a bright flame inside of me.  Try asking WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? and let me know what you learn!

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Kelly Lewis Hello! Here are a few things that I have found support me in creating the life I want, keeping myself in check, and leading with courage and compassion: a slow walk with my hubby and our pups, my work, honesty with myself, the smile of another, and mother nature.