BEE You?

Posted by Kelly Lewis Share Your Voice

"Be You".  I finally lost count of how many times I heard those words over the last three months.  And it wasn't until I heard them back to back from three different people that I realized they were trying to get my attention:

• May 27th:  The last day of one of the best vacations Glenn and I have taken. Glenn hands me a small satchel with a gold charm in it.  The charm is a gold honey bee with the words, "BEE You" on the back.
• June 13th:  Bounce is holding a focus group with 30 8th grade students when one honest, courageous young lady says, "In Middle School, people tell us all the time, "just Be You", and the truth is we didn't and maybe still don't know who that is."  
• June 27th: I am preparing to deliver a two-day leadership development session for 15 Principals.  I am over preparing, doubting I have put together material that will be in greatest service to these clients when I hear my own voice, "Relax Kelly, just show up and Be You".

At first glance the words appeared to be so simple that they fooled me to think "being me" was easy.   And with a second glance and a bit more honesty with myself, I have discovered "being me" is quite a challenging thing to do.  After eating what one of our clients calls "a piece of humble pie", I decided to do a little research project - Operation Bee Me.  

Here is what I have discovered so far -  3 things that consistently get in my way of "being me" and 14 qualities that describe  me in action of "being me": 

1. FEAR:  It had been almost 30 years since I had ridden a bicycle (at least one that wasn't bolted to the ground that I reserve at the YMCA).  I loved riding bikes when I was a kid.  I can remember riding all through Canterbury on my blue bike with a banana seat covered in colorful daisies.  And at some point along the way my fear of being hurt after a bad spill took over and I lost touch with that LOVE.  My husband enjoys riding, my girlfriends love to jump on a beach cruiser, and every time I have had the opportunity I ended up sitting on the sidelines.  So when Glenn and I arrived in San Francisco on May 21st and I said out loud, "Let's ride bikes over the Golden Gate Bridge", we both about fell out of our chairs laughing.  On Sunday, May 22nd, we rented bikes and set out on an 8 mile ride over the Golden Gate (check out the attached video).  Although I was a little stiff, I had the time of my life and rediscovered a long lost feeling of PLAYFULNESS, FREEDOM, and JOY.   I am not sure what happened that day.   I chalk it up to deciding that sitting on the sidelines just wasn't working for me anymore.  Mark Nepo wrote in The Book of Awakening, Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have, "COURAGE is the heart's blossom and all courage is threshold crossing."  Perhaps by accepting my fear and acting anyway I  crossed over a threshold that allowed a part of what it is to "be me" to resurface. 
2. SEPARATENESS:   The swing between one extreme and the other where I feel for others and lose myself or cut others off to preserve myself.  This one is quite a familiar struggle for me.  So familiar I think I thought it was me.   I don't have any adventure stories to offer for this one.  Instead I have the wisdom of two of my teachers, Sharon Salzberg and Mark Nepo, and a value or state of being that they are teaching me - COMPASSION.  Mark Nepo says, "Compassion is a deeper thing that waits beyond the tension of choosing sides.  Compassion in practice, does not require us to give up the TRUTH of what we feel or the truth of our reality.  Nor does it allow us to minimize the humanity of those who hurt us.  Rather, we are asked to know ourselves enough that we can stay OPEN to the truth of others, even when their truth or their inability to live up to their truth has hurt us."  I have just begun my own compassion practice and have found my family as a great playground:)  As my capacity for compassion grows so does a new kind of STRENGTH, CONNECTEDNESS, and INTIMACY, especially in times of conflict, disagreement, and strong emotion.
3. EXPECTATIONS:  I have this crazy expectation of myself to always "know the answer".  I think this one began back in school when there really was only one answer in the back of the book and my ability to get an "A" depended on my ability to get it right.   And as we all know at some level, life doesn't really have only one right answer.   Funny thing is I fall into this trap all of the time.  It shows up the most when I am trying to be the "right" wife, business owner, daughter, friend, leadership coach, sister, partner.  While defining myself by the expectation of a role I play is neat and tidy (and oh how I love neat and tidy) it is also so limiting.  Limiting me to that one right answer where I am trying to get the "A".  Limiting me from the many other right answers that are available.   Rainer Maria Rilke once wrote, "Be PATIENT toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves."  Perhaps this "How do I be me?" in all the roles that I play is one of those questions for me.  A question that can be messy and complex and when I get ok with that gives me the FREEDOM and CHOICE to actually do it.  

I am learning it is easy for me to stop being me when I encounter fear, separateness and expectations and when I free myself to move forward anyway I get to hang out with the really cool chick that lives just below.  On this Independence Day, I invite you to declare independence from any fear, separateness, and expectation you might experience and discover the true YOU, that lives just beyond it.

I would like to thank our friend and client, Mark Potts, for allowing me to use this gorgeous photograph that became available to him by looking just beyond the expectation and seeing what is.

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Kelly Lewis Hello! Here are a few things that I have found support me in creating the life I want, keeping myself in check, and leading with courage and compassion: a slow walk with my hubby and our pups, my work, honesty with myself, the smile of another, and mother nature.