Cobbling a Life Together

Posted by Ann Deaton Share Your Voice

A recent lunch with some coach colleagues before the holidays found us talking about whether we are each leading the life we want to live. As one friend put it, "I'm cobbling my work, and my life, together". Another friend responded to him, "Isn't that all any of us are doing? I think we are all just trying to do the best we can." Soon after the food arrived and our talk went on to other things.

I've kept thinking about this conversation since then. "Cobbling" is not such a bad thing. According to Thesaurus.com, the opposites of cobbling are "destroy" or "ruin." So we can view "cobbling" as something creative, but is it enough?  It's left me wondering whether each of us is doing the things we are meant to do in our lives and in our work. Are we mindfully choosing to do the most important things, or simply responding to the opportunities and demands of the moment?

I know that for me it has become increasingly important to make powerful choices in the work I choose to do. This has meant I've had to learn to say what Bill Ury calls "a positive no" instead of saying "yes" automatically to any work that comes my way. And this practice has led to some remarkable things:

• When I do say Yes, it is a resounding "Yes!" I am "all in" and my work, and enthusiasm for the work shows it.
• Some of my "No"'s have become "Yesses" for others. One of the powerful aspects of Bill Ury's Positive No model is that we say No to what does not fit our core values, while still saying Yes to our relationship with the other. For me, that typically means that when I say "No", I also offer another alternative person who might be able to say "Yes" more powerfully than I can. This leads to new partnerships and the right person doing the work they are uniquely suited for.
• I don't just wait for what I want to come my way. Saying "Yes" also demands that I get clear about what I want, and go after it. I make requests. I make offers. Instead of keeping something to myself, I get comfortable sharing with others the tools and approaches that I believe to be incredibly effective and valuable.
• My work feels integrated and whole. Though I work with many different companies, individuals, and partners, saying "yes" mindfully has meant that my work feels like one vibrant body of work instead of many small pieces. It feels like I'm creating a rip-roaring bonfire instead of many small campfires. That's energizing!

My colleagues from lunch are right, of course. We all do the best we can with what life brings us. We "cobble together" the pieces as well as we can to create a life and work that matters. Being able to say a powerful "NO!" ensures that what you do cobble together is something valuable. As a leader, being able to say "No" means that you'll be saying "Yes" to what matters most to you--your vision for what's possible and what's compelling.

Questions to ask yourself:

• What do you notice that you want to say "No" to today?
• How would that enable you to honor the deeper "Yes" that is part of your core?
• How will this enhance the life and work you are "cobbling" together?

⇐ Previous Post: Cobbling a Life Together Next Post: In the Depth of Winter... ⇒

Ann Deaton I am a leadership coach, and Managing Partner in Bounce. I love to coach and facilitate with individuals and systems experiencing significant change and growth. The clients I work with, regardless of their age or position, are talented and creative individuals willing to look with fresh eyes at their challenges and opportunities, and to take action based on their discoveries. As a result, they find that they are capable of accomplishing far greater things than they ever imagined. What do you want to accomplish today? Who do you want to be?